the STAB! show

In this sadly non-refundable episode of the STAB! show, dejected host Jesse Jones welcomes, six feet apart, a panel of Jenna Swartz, Connor Martin, & Lacey Carroll to share their three takes on RSN, greeting cards for events including, “Congratulations on Somehow Making Ends Meet Again This Month”, “Happy ‘You Got Your Fussy Eater to Try Something New’ Day”, & “Sorry ‘That Promotion In Title Only’ Still Made You Feel Good”, craigslist postings for a spot in an underground tickle fight league, a tour of the exotic, challenging and refreshing scents of the city, & rehoming some of the abominations you’ve created in your lab while working on getting your mad science accreditation, angry poems about House Plants, Drunken Rants, & Pocketless Pants, and descriptions of new businesses including a fusion restaurant offering culinary “fusions” that no one has ever asked for, a fantasy deadbeat/dirtbag camps to otherwise good, nice and thoughtful people who just want to live that life for a weekend, & a printing company that specializes in making prints of people’s posts about big plans for 2020.

In this golden, gooey episode of the STAB! show, steak supporter and host Nick Pettigrew welcomes a tangy panel including Brett Stults, Dani Walsh, & Jesse Jones to share their three different MODOKs, nine exhibits in the Taco Bell Museum of American History, closing arguments in cases including Kevin Spacey fighting a red light ticket, Garfield v. Mondays, & whether or not Debra can still “Get It?”, the spells and ingredients needed to complete several rituals, including how to make friends, a Tulpa of a father that, like, actually cares, & creating one hell of a cheesesteak, and synopsis of made-up movies “Assignment Sensuality”, “My Mother Married Napoleon”, & “The Tower of the Filth Nun”.

In this episode of the STAB! show, that, you know, happened, deadpan host Jesse Jones welcomes a non-plussed panel of Nick Coleman, Michelle Petro, & Tyler Kinney to share their three takes on BURMA, bootlegs of Whiplash, The Fault In Our Stars, & The Lego Movie, celebrations foreign beer, National Tequila Day, Tennessee, Twitter, National Drive-Thru Day, & Gallagher, wedding vows to an Oil Executive, a misplaced sense of entitlement, & the piece of shit you were growing up, and descriptions of new Fall TV shows, Rage and Wonder, Teeth of Victory, & The Skin Controller.

In this eye contact avoiding episode of the STAB! show, shame harboring host Jesse Jones welcomes an reflexively flinching panel Jeff Brown, Gaby Gilmore, & Marco Cabodi to share their three CASMUKs, pick-up lines to or from a rundown neighborhood park, someone in a pharmaceutical commercial, & a boat anchor, breakfast cereals themed around moving in with a girlfriend or boyfriend for the first time, a cereal called “Sugar Frosted Shards of Glass”, & raising a toddler, angry poems about Gallon Jugs, Gasping Pugs, & Grandma Hugs, and descriptions of new businesses including a tiny cartoon squirrel starting up your own bodyguard agency, a chain of vending machines that distribute vibes, & a promoter of eco friendly tractor pulls and monster truck shows.

In this adorable, nonsensical episode of the STAB! show, shaky legged host Jesse Jones welcomes an absolutely bonkers panel of Mikhail Chernyavsky, Jess Roberts, & Frankie Lord to share their three takes on BDA, nine items on the bathroom walls of Influencers, recipes for various stuffs and things, including a recipe for a chill hangout spot, arecipe for that person that calls everyone in the office “Boss” and “Chief” and “Big Dog” and the like, & a recipe for a beginner’s sex dungeon, angry poems about Cranky Tweens, Learning Machines, & Recessive Genes, and tourism guides for Unpleasant Grove, Hog Back Knuckle Duster Manor Upon Go Fuck Yourself, & Narcissopotamia.

In this active, descriptive episode of the STAB! show, handle pumper and host Jesse Jones welcomes a capable, highly trained panel of Cierra Ramirez, Abbey Hagen, & Jack Marie to share their three ISTMs, bootlegs of Super Mario Brothers, Grand Theft Auto, & Stardew Valley, campaign speeches for a rustic covered bridge running for sheriff of ol’ Peaceful Grove on a zero tolerance charming and picturesque platform, a mason jar full of wasps running for playground safety inspector, & a twin size box spring dropped off by the apartment complex dumpster running for another term in someone else’s unit, dating profiles for someone who thinks sour cream is spicy, an axolotl, & a deck of novelty adult playing cards, and descriptions of small businesses, including a stunt driving school for the elderly, a chain of soft serve ice cream parlors that specialize in savory flavors, & a Mom & Pop assassin network.

In this liberated episode of the STAB! show, big dumb lunk of a host Jesse Jones welcomes a fiery and capable panel of Dayna Bryant, Jenna Swartz, & Joe-Joe Louis, to share their three takes on DSP, nine haiku about the World Cup, closing arguments in defense of a punchable face, a poop cruise, & having a very noticeable booger all day that no one said anything about and that you didn’t discover until getting back home at the end of the day, explanations of various things including explaining having a negative self image to a majestic waterfall, explaining compound interest to a litter of kittens, & explaining micromanaging to the Horsehead Nebula, & recaps of podcasts including a podcast hosted by a stack of discarded Amazon Prime Day boxes, a podcast about the restaurant industry hosted by a trio of the worst possible restaurant customers, & a podcast about homesteading, recording in the eighteen hundreds.

In this bountiful broadcast of bawdy buffoonery, braggadocious barker Jesse Jones beckons a bright, boisterous board of Sam Sellers, Lindsey Nakano, & Grant Potter to share their three VMEs, pick-up lines to and from a bashful pterodactyl, the clearance section in Safeway, & a jetski, craigslist postings for spots in your monthly “Compliment Circle”, your Big Bulging Bags of Beautiful Breathtaking Blintzes, & naming rights to your orifices, dating profiles for someone who has absolutely covered the back of their vehicle in bumper stickers, just some regular person on an inter-galactic dating site, & a hardboiled egg, and tourism guides for Home-brew-lahoma, Loosey-goosey-ton, & Mussel Beach.

In this sexy but constricting episode of the STAB! show, leggy host Jesse Jones welcomes a tightly packed panel of Bernie Baktashian, Alex Shewmaker, & Emma Haney to share their three takes on MGC, nine Bitterness bulletin board items, breakfast cereals themed around soccer moms, 80s action movies, & a guy who owns swords, descriptions of new drugs, Gal Wham, Gut Nut Shut Butt, & Air Waffles, and descriptions of new businesses, including a restaurant specializing in very spicy, very complex flavor profiles, in the town of Honkey-lahoma, several Air B&Bs that offer neither beds, nor breakfast, & an esthetician on the planet Kashyyyk.

In this monumentally safe episode of the STAB! show, big gritty host Jesse Jones welcomes a treacherous panel of Jaclyn Weiand, Kameron Schmid, & Tyler Kinney to share their three DUMBs, new greeting cards for “Congratulations on surviving a near death experience”, “Happy ‘You Touched A Butt Day!’”, & “Wishing you Ill in this Difficult Time”, closing arguments in defense of a matchmaker with really poor character judgments, only doing the right thing when you know someone is watching, & getting dragged into doing something you really don’t want to do for someone that you don’t really even like that much, dating profiles for someone who masturbates in a tanning bed, a bag of mulch, & someone who leaves painted rocks in parks, and rundowns of podcasts including a show hosted by two guys who are both secretly really into each other, but are afraid to act on it, and their mutual best friend, a podcast titled “Mind Your P’s & Q’s” hosted by Barry, Larry and Gary, & a podcast hosted by a freshly raked pile of leaves and a good book sitting on a neatly folded quilt.